Irkens in Fishnets: Your Worst Nightmare
by The Sexy Tal
Summary: A very strange Invader Zim fanfic which places the characters in the setting of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Don't say I didn't warn you..


Before we start on this fanfic which I'm sure is going to be incredibly twisted and insane, I have a few words. This is an Invader Zim/Rocky Horror (Picture) Show parody type fanfic. Although it's more Zim-ish. The characters are going to retain their normal characteristics, for the most part, while portraying the Rocky Horror folks. Therefore, I will be referring to the Zim characters by what they're called on the show, for the most part. They might refer to each other as who they are portraying, but that's not very important. The songs are going to remain relatively the same, and I will include SOME lyrics because there WILL be references to the lyrics, and/or changes that I'll be putting in for the sake of in characterness. I'm also doing it in..normal non-scripty format because I started it in script format but was boring because of so many stinking parentheses; some reason they inhibited my thought process. THEY'RE EVIL! DO NOT TRUST THEM! *ahem*  
  
Also, this is going to take place when everyone is an appropriate age for doing all the evil things that will more than likely occur here. Perving children isn't good.  
  
It's also going to be written in the form of the Zim characters are forced to perform this. It's not supposed to be really happening.. think school play here or something. Just a little self-insertion..I'm the director person.  
  
There is SOME warping of characters just because I'm insane like that (..like Skoodge for example).  
  
And without further ado, we begin.  
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Cast List  
  
Dr. Frank-N-Furter -Almighty Tallest Red  
Brad Majors - Zim  
Janet Weiss - Dib  
Riff Raff - GIR  
Magenta - Gaz  
Columbia - Tak  
Rocky - Almighty Tallest Purple  
Eddie - Skoodge  
Dr. Scott - Professor Membrane  
Criminologist (AKA Narrator) - Mysterious Mysteries announcer and Ms. Bitters (so I wanted two for this part..so kill me. Nyeah!)  
Transylvanians - Random Irkens  
and   
Keef, as himself.  
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"Fifteen minutes until showtime?!" Jess shouted insanely at herself, "But..but..but..no one ever told me that time actually GOES BY..I should be TOLD about these things...THE CAST..ooh I hope they're ready. They'd better be, or I'll destroy them after *I'M* destroyed."  
  
Gaz peeks out of her dressing room and gives Jess a look of unbridled disgust. "Be quiet." Gaz stands there looking rather uncomfortable in her French maid costume, fishnets, and spike-heeled boots.  
  
"GAZ! You're ALIVE. Ok good. Are you all ready? In costume? Makeup? Huh?" Jess rambles on, starting to sound more and more like the Trix rabbit on crack.   
  
Gaz opens one eye, stares at Jess, and then shuts it, as the attention being given by that single eye really was superior to the insane ramblings. "To answer your QUESTION, yes. I'm ready. But that doesn't mean I'm actually going to DO anything." Gaz growls.  
  
"Ok good! And a fine day to you too!" Jess grins and runs off. "..WHY do I let myself get into these messes?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" Jess bangs her head off the nearest wall. Someone lets out a scream of fear from behind said wall.   
  
The door swings open and Zim leaps out. "I AM ZIM!!! Someone knocked?! YES!! ....oh it's YOU..filthy human worm STINK MONSTER!"  
  
"Actually it's Jess. That's alot shorter and easier to remember. ...ok good I see you figured out how to wear the weird suit...or..not" Jess gives Zim a look of confusion.  
  
"YES..I am the MASTER OF SUITS! Watch me as I assemble my suit! WATCH ME!!!" Zim shakes a fist in the air. "There is none suit so evil as to deceive ZIM!"   
  
"..right. Just fix your bowtie..oh and your suit jacket doesn't go on your legs."  
  
"ZIM IS STARTING A NEW TREND!! I AM THE TRENDSETTER OF DOOM! MY TRENDS WILL REACH FAR INTO THE UNIVERSE AND ..do things!" Zim laughs evilly and rubs his gloved hands together conspiratorially.   
  
"..no actually you're just Brad Majors, a dorky guy who wears a funny suit. Now fix the jacket and bowtie or I'll, I dunno..tell Skoodge to hump your leg or something."  
  
Zim shrieks with fear and leaps into his dressing room, quivering and peeking out from behind the door. "VILE HUMAN STINKBEAST!!" Zim shuts the door and locks it.  
  
"Oh be ready, you're on in about fifteen minutes!" Jess shook her head. She didn't want to be doing this, organizing a bunch of clearly insane people and aliens together to put on a musical for the amusement of some aliens who threatened her with juice boxes.. JUICE BOXES. "....all those PRESERVATIVES..and..oh don't even make me THINK about the FRUCTOSE!! OH DEAR LORD NOT THE FRUCTOSE!!!" Jess stared into space with a look of artificially flavored angst written clearly across her face for a few minutes. "If I don't get this done..and done right..FEAR OF JUICE ATTACKS MOTIVATES YOU!" Jess leaps up and runs down the hall. "Hmm..might as well check on everyone ELSE to make sure they know what they're doing..ooooh....JUICE."   
  
"COME IN!"   
  
Jess pushes her way into Dib's dressing room, where he's standing with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, looking with disgust at his lavendar lacey dress.  
  
"A dress?! A DRESS?! Why do I have to wear a DRESS?!" Dib shouts. "A respected paranormal investigator such as myself..how am I supposed to be taken seriously if I'm wearing a DRESS?!"  
  
"Doesn't matter, you're not taken seriously any OTHER time anyways..so..ok good. Your purse matches your shoes. One of the major rules of fashion, you know. Just remember to be careful how you sit. You don't want to show off your crotchal zone to everyone. ..oh yeah..remember to wear UNDERWEAR."   
  
Dib glares at Jess in silence for a few minutes, then shuts the door on her giving her one last cheerful "You jerk." as a farewell.  
  
"10 minutes..only 10 minutes..most everyone SHOULD be out in the wings by now..waiting to go on.." Jess runs to the backstage area and looks around, surveying the crowd. All the random Irkens recruited to play the Transylvanians were just sort of milling around with blank spooky expressions on their faces. The few cast members who really didn't have any costumes were also standing around, some looking bored, others looking confused, and others looking just plain evil. GIR was screaming about something or other, richocheting off the walls and climbing up the curtains while wearing a now extremely messed up butler's outfit and stringy blonde wig.   
  
"YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE A PINEAPPLE!" GIR shrieks as he takes a dive onto Ms. Bitters head. She, needless to say, came far from being ecstatic about this.  
  
Jess stands back and looks everyone over once again. A few of the cast members that were in their dressing rooms started to wander out, looking more like deer in headlights than sex crazed aliens.   
  
"Ok..good. ...wait, no..not good. We're missing the Tallests..and..and SKOODGE!" Dramatic spooky music randomly starts playing.  
  
"Oh cut that out."   
  
Jess looks around fiendishly, hoping to spot any of the missing lifeforms. Someone down the hall starts shouting.  
  
"..THAT would be the Tallests."   
  
Jess walks right into their dressing room. Purple screams and throws a sheet over himself, while Red stands there, glaring at her through a full face of makeup, while clinging desperately to his chair.   
  
"WHAT were you two... ...well geez I hope I'm not interrupting anything.." Jess says, staring at Purple.  
  
"YOU..are far from being my favorite slave right now. AND STOP IMPLYING THINGS." Red grumbles.   
  
"What? You look pretty! And Purple looks incriminating."   
  
" I DON'T WANT TO LOOK PRETTY!!! NOR do I WANT to stumble around in..in THESE!" Red shakes a high-heeled foot at Jess for emphasis. "And this armor! Who WEARS something like this?!" Red indicates his corset, garter belt, fishnets, and hot pants-type-things.   
"Well you do now. Out to the stage. Almost time to start."  
  
"There is NO WAY I'm going out in PUBLIC like this. All my adoring subjects are going to LAUGH at me. I can't rule an empire looking like THIS!" Red stomps a foot and almost falls over.   
  
"Need I remind you about the juice box aliens? They're going to destroy the Massive TOO if you guys don't do this."   
  
"...JUICE BOXES.. Ugh!" Red shudders. "Ok, Ok..I sorta see your point, even though I don't like this. And you're gonna pay later for this. I'm gonna make you my own personal table-headed service drone!"  
  
"Ooh kinky!"   
  
"STOP PERVERTING ME!" Red storms out of the room, stumbling into the walls every so often. "I'm only DOING this for the sake of IRK. HMPH!"  
  
Jess laughs and then turns to Purple.   
  
"So what's your deal?"  
  
"I..can't find my costume! I could only find part of it!" Purple whines.  
  
"Oh so you're NOT naked?"  
  
"N..no."  
  
"..can I see what you have on?"  
  
"No! I said my costume was missing! I'm only wearing part of it..a very very small part of it!"  
  
"..Purple, I think you ARE wearing your full costume. Lemme see!" Jess grabs the sheet and pulls it away. Purple is standing there, twitching, wearing a little gold thong. "Yeah, you got everything. That's your costume. Now get to the stage."  
  
"..THAT'S MY WHOLE COSTUME?!" Purple shrieks and, in trying to escape, trips over the end of the sheet.  
  
"Eh, don't worry about it. Everyone'll just think you're a sexy beast."  
  
"But I don't wanna be a sexy beast!! I really don't! I just wanna be Tallest!"  
  
"..fine then, a tall sexy beast. Now go."  
  
Purple whimpers and heads out to the stage area.  
  
"Ok, now that I got THOSE two convinced.. that leaves only SKOODGE. DARE I venture into the Skoodgey realm that is Skoodge's dressing room? Dare I brave the horrors that lie within the horniest Irken in existance? ..wait that sounded wrong.. DARE I APPROACH THE SKOODGE?! ...eh yeah, I dare. Stupidly so, but still daring." Jess knocks on Skoodge's dressing room door. From inside, she could hear some cheesy porn music wafting out into the hall.   
  
"Welcome to Skoodge's House of Lurve! How may I service you today? HOOAH!" Skoodge says, over-excitedly, as he answers the door. He was looking very out-of-place in his Eddie biker costume, while trying to pose in such a way that screamed "Take me now!"  
  
Jess stares at him and decides not to acknowledge anything he just said, "Skoodge, the play starts soon, would you get out there where you're supposed to be?!"  
  
"I already AM where I'm supposed to be. I got an appointment for LURVE. WITH YOU!" Skoodge starts humping Jess's leg.  
  
"..stop that or the crotch gets destroyed!" Jess says, rolling her eyes.  
  
"NO! NO! NO! ..I NEED my crotch. It's the very source of my existance! ..OK I'll stop now, but you come back here after the show for some REAL lurvin'! The Skoodge will bestow his plentiful gifts upon you." Skoodge says, winking, as he leaves.  
  
"...not in a million years." Jess shudders and heads back out to the stage area, where the entire disgruntled cast was waiting.  
  
"Ok, places everyone!! This show..is about to begin!!"  
  
And so..with that announcement, and the overwhelming decibels of whining in response..THE MADNESS BEGAN.  
  
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End file.
